he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize