Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
