Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
