Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
