I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
