I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
