Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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