go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
