I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection