When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this boner is exhausting
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.