would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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