so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is the high leading the old right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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