Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
