24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
