just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
