Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
