I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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