Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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