hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
