He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
