were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
