google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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