i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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