I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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