Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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