WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
