I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
