So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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