and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
