I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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