i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
