Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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