tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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