He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
