So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
