i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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