You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
