Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
