trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
