break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
