Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
