dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
