It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
