yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
