theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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