Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
