Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I believe in your delicious
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize