You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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