I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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