I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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