The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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