Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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