just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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