Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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