Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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