I hope mine doesn't look like that
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
