My first STD was from a foam party
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
